bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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