Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just had sex on a roof
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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