I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
