its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
