Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
