Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
