How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
