the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
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