the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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