So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
