allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
