Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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