He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
