Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
