for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
