im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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