My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
