i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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