stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
