his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
