Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
