Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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