Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
