Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Randomize
