I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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