How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
