I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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