And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
