how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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