He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
