white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
