i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
