Michael Bay diarrhea
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
