She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
