THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
two words: eviction party
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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