I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
