How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
