First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
