but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
