i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
