man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
