you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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