There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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