I want to make a zoo with you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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