sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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