I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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