I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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