I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
