I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
