how can u be prego again
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
